Cuando Tentaciones Rujan con Furor...

I am taking a Spanish class for the first time since high school in the hopes that it'll prepare me for a Spanish-speaking mission (shoot, I've just jinxed it) and I love it.  I love the language.  It's so logical and simple, yet it is incredibly expressive and emotional (and sometimes really sexy).  Seriously.  I love Spanish.

Before class each day, we sing a hymn in Spanish before prayer, which also is done in Spanish.  I like that because you really never would learn prayer language from a Spanish textbook, so this class is giving me some practical applications for the language already.

In any case, we are learning "Cuenta tus Bendiciones" right now.  It's the Spanish language version of "Count Your Blessings,"  but I love it so much more.  The first verse reads, in an extremely rough English translation, "When trouble and pain overwhelm you, when temptations roar with fervor, look at your blessings. Count them and you'll see.  You will have blessings from Jesus."

My favorite part is "when temptations roar with fervor."  I love that the Spanish translation uses the verb "to roar" to describe temptations.  It's descriptive of how temptations feel when we are in their throes.  Have you ever felt your temptations roar at you in such a way that you can't think about anything else?

That was my experience yesterday.  I couldn't stop thinking about Toby.  I knew he wouldn't say no to anything I requested and was so hormonal and wanting for some attention that I seriously considered resuming our cuddling relationship and intensifying it a little, even though I know that it only makes me more attached to him and it makes it more difficult for both of us to keep our covenants.  Still, that temptation roared within my head and I couldn't think about anything else.

The good news is that I didn't call him.  Instead, I found a coping mechanism.  I live at the bottom of a hill and last night I discovered that running up it is really difficult.  It's a long, steady 4% grade and by the time I got to the top, my legs were shaking, my knees were buckling, and my lungs burned for the panting and puffing to which my inadequate respiratory system was subjected.  All I could think about then was how much I hated myself for going for a jog, haha. Progress, right?

Anyhow, the night went much smoother after that.  I was able to sit down and do my homework without much more distraction and I could see Toby's and my relationship in a much clearer light.  My motivation for gratification ceased to be only about physical attraction and became more spiritual and emotional, which is just what I needed.  I'm still hung up a little bit on him and on gay in general, but the roaring has ceased and is now just an occasional snarl.  I'll take it.