However, lately I've been feeling the sting of singlehood more than usual. It started last Christmas, when I realized that I was the only single sibling in my family, and has continued since then with only the occasional hiatus for a short two-week fling or makeout sesh with some girl in my ward (and maybe a guy, in the case of the latter).
Valentine's Day was another reminder, like last Christmas, that I was single. Usually, the day is a great excuse to buy a daisy for some of my gal pals and order a bunch of flowers to be delivered to my mom. I bet if I'd done that this year I'd have enjoyed the holiday more. Instead, I kind of turned inside and got depressed about it.
It started with me waking up and jumping in the shower. Since I'm still a student, I live with my parents when I'm not at school to save money. I walked in my bathroom and my mom had decorated it with dozens of plastic hearts taped to my mirror, each with a personality trait she sees in me. It was such a nice gesture and I was so flattered. She also made me breakfast and packed me a sack lunch with candy and a cute paper valentine inside as well. I felt so loved.
But I also realized: I'm almost 24 and the only person who had ever given me a valentine was my mother (although I do need to give some extra credit to a girl I dated in Hawaii; even though we broke up before Valentine's Day, vowing to remain friends, she still gave me some Dr Pepper Chapstick since I'd recently given up soda to train for a marathon).
The day continued; lots of candy and lots of love. Facebook was blowing up with engagements, pictures of giant teddy bears (people still do that?!?) and Instagram photos of romantic dinners for two. It was all great, and I legitimately was happy for those friends, but still, it kind of hurt to not be able to participate.
Life's still good. I'm still reasonably happy and I guess I have faith that things work out. But I'm bored and lonely and tired of waiting.
So do you date guys? I think I just assumed you were solely looking to marry a lady, but this post suggests maybe otherwise?
ReplyDeleteAt this moment, my future is murky, haha. Right now I'm just staying the course with the church but not totally certain about it.. Not really dating either gender right now, which in hindsight means that I probably shouldn't complain too much about being single on V-day ;)
DeleteCurious about what seemed ambiguous to you though.
Can't speak for JonJon, but for me, it was this line -- "...makeout sesh with some girl in my ward (and maybe a guy, in the case of the latter)."
DeleteI too thought you were fairly focused on finding and marrying a woman.
Ah. I'd thought I'd mentioned the incident on my blog before.
Deletenope. no mention of any incident.what happened?
DeleteI definitely wouldn't claim to have your blog memorized but didn't remember ever seeing any mention of dating men. Plus, I probably made some assumptions since I know you blog for North Star.
DeleteI fell into a relationship with a guy in my ward when I was against same sex relationships. We never talked about the relationship or defined it partly out of inexperience and partly because I subconsciously knew that if we called it a dating relationship then I'd have to end it. As a result it ended up being a fairly unhealthy thing but it opened me up to the possibility of pursuing something healthier.
This was my first romantic Valentine's Day in a long time. My guy was surprised I bought him flower because I have been down a lot with some back problems. He was very happy. I felt happy buying them for him.
ReplyDeleteMy former wife did not give me anything on our last Valentine's Day in 2000. She said she was too busy and forgot. It was very awkward since I gave her some gifts.
I took over sending flowers and chocolates to my mom when my dad died. I had not done anything the past couple of years since mom died.
Best wishes.