"The best of both worlds" - Northern Lights

"The best of both worlds" went live today.  It's about how much I am grateful for my life and my experiences as a gay Mormon. Go have a read and tell me what you think in the comments or via e-mail.

Update/Post-script to latest NL blog post

I published this at Northern Lights yesterday before I'd heard about the shooting in Connecticut and I have to admit, after hearing the news, I fairly immediately forgot the message I was trying to send with it.

It's about how solitude and lonely trials are nothing new in this life, and through them, great things can be accomplished.  I can imagine of no harder pain or trial than what the parents and community members of Newtown must be feeling right now. It must be such an isolating experience, losing so many young and precious children, to say nothing of the community elders who lost their lives as well.

My next point I am going to make very delicately, because there's nothing I could say to any of them that would help them through this experience, and I've learned that in times like these, people would rather not hear about the will of God or look for the silver lining. In times like these, the best response is to reach out to someone, hold them in your arms and tell them how sorry you are and how you wish that things were different.  Commiseration is the order of the day in times like these.

However, this isolating experience is just the kind of thing I was talking about in the Northern Lights post.  This is a time when people can turn to religion for comfort, to whatever higher power helps them through their day.  For many, this experience will be confusing and faith-shaking, as people wonder what kind of god would allow such a horrific tragedy to befall innocent children and hard-working adults. That reaction is totally justified and completely understandable, and to that person I extend no explanation other than, "I don't know, and I'm so sorry."  But to some, this could be a time when peace enters their lives in spite of their pain, when the blessings of the Atonement fall upon them and when the presence of angels bears them up.

As (Gay) Mormon Guy pointed out yesterday, every person involved is a victim. No matter the outcome, such penetrating isolation is the worst trial of all and I would never wish it on my worst enemy.  I only hope that the loneliness felt by those victims is eased soon and that peace will once again re-enter their lives.

Northern Lights- "Automobiles and the gay man"

As many of you may have noticed, cars are really one of the few things that get me going when I'm feeling depressed. I have decided to defend the stereotypical gay mobiles in my latest post over at North Star. It's light, it's somewhat interesting, I think it's funny. Pretty much the antithesis of everything I've ever written over there.  I just needed some variety.

So, go have a look!  There are two cool pictures if nothing else.

Which lobster are you? Danielle Mansfield posts at Northern Lights

Danielle Mansfield offers a powerful metaphor in her post over at Northern Lights. I highly recommend reading the whole thing, as I am incapable of rendering the nuance and loveliness with which she tackles a very depressing concept.

In her essay, she addresses issues of shame, agency and compassion. The stinger for me was this metaphor she gives about cooking a lobster. Apparently, if you only cook one lobster at a time, as soon as the water starts warming up, the lobster will claw his way out of the pot. If, however, you cook two lobsters in the same pot, one lobster will try to climb out and the other lobster will pull him back down into the water until both are killed. The implications here are obvious.

Are you the lobster who tries to climb out but feels constantly pulled back into your old ways? Are you the lobster who, perhaps out of jealousy or narrow-mindedness, prevents people from climbing into a new life, insisting that the pot is the place to be? I sometimes feel like the former, but too frequently feel like the latter.

Danielle addresses a number of other compelling issues in her post. Spare five minutes of your day and have a look at it.

"Etymology and the gay Mormon mind"- Northern Lights

My most recent post went live over at Northern Lights. This one was kind of difficult to write. As regular readers know, I have not been on a spiritual high right now and Northern Lights is not the proper place to air out negative, spiritually destructive emotions. It's supposed to be a place of faith and encouragement, where gay Mormons and their allies write about how fulfulling it is to suffer from same-gender attraction.

They are wonderful men and women who blog there and they all tell a unique and fantastic story that is truly faith-affirming. But I sometimes don't feel as though I fit in well there because I don't always partake of the belief that it's a fulfilling life being gay and Mormon.

So, in this latest post, I tried to air out some of those feelings I'd been having as a way to try and show the world (and other gay people who think like me) that life can be tough and it's okay to be mad about it. My good friend showed me in a conversation I had with her that the bitterness is sometimes the best first step to take on the road to recovery, as long as it's given a properly brief time slot. And another one of my friends said that his greatest complaint about Northern Lights was how plasticky and fake it felt, like people were showing their best selves in their blog posts. He sought something more real.

(For the record, I disagree. I think Northern Lights is part of a balanced blogosphere diet. They provide lots of examples of faith and God knows the world could use more of those.)

I dunno. It was a hard post to write. I feel like a fish out of water. But I guess that's not a unique feeling for a religious gay kid. I should be used to it.

Builders and Breakers- Northern Lights

My most recent post at Northern Lights. Are you a builder or a breaker?

Some pretty amusing junk over at Northern Lights!

¡Buenos dias, blogosphere!

I was perusing my new internet home away from home and found something pretty amusing.

"He Might Be a Moho If..." is one of the most hilarious, true to life examples of the genre, at least for me. It had me in stitches the whole time I was reading. Let's evaluate, shall we? [Sidebar: I really, really hate the term "moho." It sounds so lame to me. Non-mohos, it means MOrmon HOmosexual.]

Number 8: When he refers to the type of “person” he’s attracted to, pay attention to whether he EVER indicates a gender. Just a thought. 
Back at home, we have this word we use to describe those who haven't made out in 6 months or more. Until I was 22, I had never made out, but when I did the deed with Toby, the next time the conversation came up with my friends at home, they found out that I'd made out. Naturally, they asked for a description of, ostensibly, the girl, so I was forced to describe this dude I smooched using gender-neutral pronouns and adjectives: "beard-burn" was obviously out.

Number 16:  Watch his eyes during a kissing or love scene–does he even notice there’s a woman there?
Both Easy A and Crazy Stupid Love were tossups between Emma Stone and Penn Badgley and Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling for me. I love Emma Stone, but damned if Penn and RyGos didn't make the teapot whistle...

Number 17: When introduced to groups of people, he connects with the best-looking guy first. Or the exact opposite for those a bit more adept at avoidance or repression–they connect with the homeliest girl.
Guilty. Constantly scanning for the best prospects, I am.

Number 18: When caught checking out a guy, he immediately scans the room like he was just scanning all along. …or he looks the girl next to the guy up and down like he was just sizing up his competition. …no, I haven’t done that.
Indeed. I've even done the fake "sizing up your competition" thing.

Number 24:  He makes friends with the best-looking elders in his quorum at Elders Quorum BBQs, all while artfully dodging questions about why he doesn’t date.
I'm somewhat convinced that if my best friends in the ward suddenly became not-hot, I'd stop liking them a little bit. Sorry guys.

Number 28: While walking through the mall, he shoots a casual glance in the Victoria’s Secret window, looking away quickly to show his remarkable self discipline like a good LDS guy should, but he lingers at American Eagle or A & F.
I purposely linger in front of the lingerie stores when I'm with guys so they think that's how I like it.

And finally, the best one...
Number 29: When confronted with the underwear section at Target (or other applicable store), one of two things occurs: He either avoids it like the plague, or he spends an inordinate amount of time ‘browsing.’ Option two is especially true if he wears garments.
I have a love/hate relationship with the underwear aisle at Target. The men on those packages are like the beta test for the male form, plus the models gotta be able to shape the underwear masculinely, if you know what I mean... I want to avoid it, but as I am not endowed yet, I have to go there at least once or twice a year. It's the chore I hate to love.

There's a treasure trove of amusement on those old posts.  It's pretty great.

The relaunch of Northern Lights has been pretty cool, but if I pointed out a fault, it'd be that it's got a very serious tone so far. That's to be expected, because each of us who is blogging is obviously facing a scary facet of a very complicated life situation. But still, I'm hoping that humor will infiltrate the blog  again soon.

Post over on Northern Lights!

Here's my first post over on Northern Lights! It went live this morning while I was driving across the badlands of one of the flyover states, so I'm a little late linking it. Some of the comments get passionate, guess the readership over there isn't used to my sarcasm. Oops.

Anyway, enjoy!

http://northstarlds.org/blog/2012/08/the-real-problem/

Something tells me...

...I'm into something good.

North Star, which is an organization designed to give support to gay Mormons striving to live within the standards of the LDS church, is relaunching its blog this Sunday. The blog, Northern Lights, which last saw its most vibrant activity in 2010, will feature regular updates from such individuals as Ty Mansfield, Bravone and Josh Weed, as well as (Gay) Mormon Guy and a handful of other talented Latter-Day Saint bloggers and commentators who have experience in the world of homosexuality.

I was incredibly terrified, then incredibly humbled when the editors of the blog asked me to be a part of it, especially given the talent and faith of the bloggers already on board, and I'm only a little ashamed to say that it seriously stroked my ego. I am looking forward to getting to know these ladies and gentlemen better through their blog posts and I invite, nay, impeach y'all to do the same thing.

I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also somewhat terrified at the prospect of posting fresh, interesting content both here on my blog and through Northern Lights, so I'll be posting more personal stuff here and linking to my broader, less sensitive posts on North Star. That said, if any of y'all have some great information or are made aware of something interesting going on in the world of the Mormon homosexual, my inbox is always open to tips, because I'm seriously doubting my ability to write that much. Guess I should get used to it, since it's what I want to do with my life.

And as usual, if you wanna chat about anything, hit me up!  God loves ya and so do I.