You can call me GMP. I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, more commonly known as the Mormon or LDS Church. I was born into and raised in a loving LDS family and have gone to church almost every Sunday of my life. I had a happy childhood with my older brothers and sister and I get along very well with my parents most of the time. Currently, I am a communication student at one of the LDS colleges. I am living a fairly typical life for a faithful LDS guy of my age.
There is one qualifying difference, however, between my life and the lives of many other LDS men. I am, in simplest terms, gay. However, I don't love the oversimplification that the term "gay" suggests. Perhaps a more fitting term would be "same-gender attracted," because the sexual connotation of the word "gay" doesn't apply to me, for I've never acted on a sexual inclination with another person. Still, "same-gender attracted" is a mouthful, so I'll stick with "gay" when referring to myself and within the title of this blog.
Same-gender attraction is a heretofore relatively unexplored issue within the LDS Church, in spite of its surprising prevalence among men and women of my generation and the generations preceding and following. In June 1930, an ancestor of mine said this in a letter to his posterity:
You, my children, are living in a new age, but you, too, will have your frontiers to explore, your divides to cross, your own deserts to subdue. Most important of all, you will have home and state problems to solve that will challenge the pioneer blood that runs in your veins. Trust in the Lord, be true to yourselves and all will be well with you.
-David King Udall, 1851-1938
My father wrote those words to me in a letter one day and ever since reading them, I haven't been able to shake the feeling that same-gender attraction is one of those frontiers I will explore and that intolerance among members of the LDS Church is one of those deserts I will subdue. That "pioneer blood" in me is what has prepared me for this unique struggle of reconciling a faithful Mormon life with a proclivity towards a lifestyle not endorsed or permitted within the LDS Church. It's that pioneer blood that compels me to take this journey.
I share in your testimony and love of our Savior, of truth, of the restored gospel and "pioneer blood". I just want to truly compliment you for your faithfulness and openness. God Bless You!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIt troubles me somewhat that the word "gay" has to suggest that a person is sexually active. when we refer to a straight person as "straight" it doesn't typically come with a qualifying statement that one is or is not sexually active. Personally, I think someone ought to be able to feel comfortable saying, "I'm gay" without further explanation. I would even go a step further and say that even the statement, "I'm gay" is an unnessary identity statement without context. Of course, in this case, the context is an LDS faith that is doctrinally inconsistant with the beliefs of a gay man. That is, "I am attracted to the same sex" is incompatable with the Book of Mormon and Bible that preach otherwise. But you and I both know these things. I think the freedom to make an identity statement is just that--a freedom. But as soon as you declare an identity, you lose the power of that identity simultaneously due to the elusive and often multi-faceted views of that identity. As long as you're strong enough and confident enough to retain that power--never allowing the views of others to affect you--the identity statement needs very little explanation.
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