A few nights ago I was pretty low. I was feeling really inadequate about myself and my prospects in lots of different avenues of life. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue in the gospel, but I also wasn't sure what other alternatives I had. It was a weird, weird night.
I collapsed into bed, said a cursory prayer thanking God for the food I ate and that's about it, and resigned myself to sleep.
Just as I was about to doze off, feeling lonelier than I have in months, an acquaintance with whom I work called. It was odd that he should call at whatever time it was, so I answered it, when I really just wanted to let it ring through. Wasn't really in the mood to talk shop or anything. But I answered it anyway.
He mentioned that he just had been thinking about me and wanted to give me a call to see what was up. I was too floored to really respond, because he never calls me and really, the only interaction we have is when we're talking writing or something. I just told him that I was kinda sad and I was grateful he called. We talked about a few other things I'll probably reserve for a later post, but the take-home was that I wasn't ready to give up.
I don't know what the future holds. I'd love for it to be a mission, temple marriage, kids, a dog and maybe a Fiat. But it might not. If it doesn't, it won't be because I gave up on the church, gave up looking for answers. Giving up is passive and I don't want to do that. Instead I want to find the answers I seek and then let the chips fall as they will.
So I guess that's the lesson. Don't give up. Like they say in Meet the Robinsons, keep moving forward!
Nice post. The hardest part is being completely open to the truth, whatever it may be. We all think we are but it can be pretty complicated. You're really into that little Fiat huh? I like the Abarth but am not sure how well it would wear in everyday driving. I'm partial to VW, but the Golf R seems like a better choice. Of course it's roughly 50% more mooolah.
ReplyDeleteThanks. It's true, it's tough to be open to true truth, even if it counters what feels right or what we've felt our whole lives, and it's difficult to be open to truth if it counters what we've learned, but if you're not open to it, then you're stagnating.
DeleteAnd the Volkswagen GTi was much more polished than the Abarth, but not nearly as fun. Definitely an easier daily driver, but it didn't put as big a grin on my face, that's for sure ;)