Homeboy's a bit lonely tonight

First, let me justify that title.

A friend of mine showed me the most redankalous YouTube video a few days ago. Like, so awesome that I'm jealous I wasn't a part of it.  If you have a spare five minutes, enjoy it.

Off. The. Chain. It's had me talking street since I saw it. I had to look up like half the words on Urban Dictionary but I love it so much. So that's why I just called myself homeboy. Now you know.

Anyway, homeboy's feeling a little lonesome tonight. Not like that's news to anyone, it seems like every other post is a sad post on my part.  Blogging tends to bring that out in me. I promise I'm not like this in real life. Mostly.

Last night, we were watching The Return of the King and everyone we were watching with was commentating the whole. damn. movie. Which is seriously my biggest issue with watching movies with friends. I'm like, sit down, shut up and enjoy the movie. And pass the popcorn.

Alright, so we're watching this awesome movie and people are talking over it and every time Frodo comes on the screen, everyone jeers and mocks. To be fair, Elijah Wood played Frodo very weak; he was kind of an anti-hero who was constitutionally incapable of being strong.  

But I kind of identify with that a lot. Frodo didn't volunteer to carry the ring to Mount Doom, but when he was chosen, he took up the responsibility.  He knew his duty and did his best to accomplish what he needed to. But at the end of the day, he was a meek Hobbit, ill-equipped by nature of his birth to fight orcs and lunatics. (Besides, I'd bet even the mighty Aragorn would have a hard time hiking through Mordor five minutes after being stung by a huge spider.)

So as if the senseless mocking of one of the great characters in fiction wasn't enough, then the gay jokes started coming.  Sam's tireless devotion to Frodo, Frodo waking up after the adventure to the smiling faces of his three friends in bed with him, Gandalf the Gay Grey watching over the whole lot with quiet satisfaction. I dunno, I love this awesome group of people I call my friends, but there are definitely a few sheltered Mormon kids who grew up in small, conservative areas and don't really understand the art of tact when it comes to sensitive issues like homosexuality. Or race. Or science. It made me want to stand up, yell "I'M GAY, YOU DOUCHEBAGS!" and run from the room, just to prove some point.

Thankfully, I didn't do that. But I did stew about it all night. I dreamt about it and woke up so mad at the world (and my roommates) this morning. And thankfully, that too passed at the first of many selfless things they did for me today. They're good people and I don't really censure them too much for their points of view.

But still, it just brings me back to that year-old consideration of mine: should I come out? Would it be a good idea to show the world and the church that "normal" guys like me can be gay without being flaming? Or would that just subject me to the ridicule that usually gets reserved for Samwise and Frodo?

It's all good, it really is. The people who know are supportive and fantastic and I love them for it. Really, they're all the support a guy needs. I just wonder sometimes.