Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Old Journal Entry-II

Goal for this semester? Write a blog post entirely in Spanish. I bypassed the first year classes and start my Spanish 201 class tomorrow. Haven't taken a language class in five years and I'm pretty freakin' terrified about it, haha.

Here's another old journal entry from awhile back. I wrote this journal for a class and turned it in for the teacher to grade. I'm glad she read it. She offered a lot of interesting insights and called me candid, raw, and warm, which might be the greatest set of attributes ever ascribed to me.

If you haven't already picked up on it, I'm pretty damn emotional. Like, overly emotional and self-absorbed. And way into my problems. But this entry kinda explains why that is and how it's still beneficial for me and my spiritual growth.


I’ve had an epiphany with this entry. Being in pain doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Pain necessarily is a part of life and refusing to acknowledge it isn’t something that works for me. What I need to do, then, is take the edge off of the pain by seeing it for what it is, then seeing how the Lord is taking me through it. I will still feel that pain and envy towards those who seem to have it easier, but knowing that I can acknowledge my pain to the Lord and to those close to me will be a great blessing.

Sometimes, I get the feeling that I should just shut up about all my problems and start being more grateful for the gifts I’ve been given. I feel like I should have more faith to know that this too shall pass, come what may and love it, and all that. People say that all the time, but do you know how those sayings make me feel? In the words of a good friend, they “trivialize the pain.” And being in pain doesn’t make me less grateful for my car, my money, my schooling, my family, my job, etc. It just means I’m in pain.

See? Way hung up on pain I have been this semester. But the growth comes when I acknowledge the pain, mourn a little, ask Heavenly Father what to do with it, and put it in the perspective of the parts of His plan that I understand. It's not a perfect system and eventually I'd like to cut the mourning part out of the cycle, but until that happens, I'm gonna keep trying to put things in perspective the way I know how.

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