I remember when I realized that 99% of my emotional duress was directly or indirectly caused by that rift between God and gay in my life. This thought saddened me somewhat, as though I was incapable of feeling anything but cheated or conflicted or lonesome or what have you.
Well, my friends, I have proved that theory wrong in the last month.
I'm not going to lie, it's actually kind of nice to feel anxious or depressed about something other than being a gay Mormon. It's nice to actually experience a breadth of emotion, rather than just being a lovelorn silly little thing. It's like when I had my heart broken the very first time: it sucked, but it also felt cool to know that I was capable of that kind of emotion.
In any case, money is tight, school is tough, the workplace is a scary and unforgiving world, and I have no idea where I will be or what I will be doing in three months. It's pretty awful. And friends. Friends are hard to come by lately. I feel as though I'm burning more than a few bridges and I don't know what to do to stop it.
But, like I said, it is downright refreshing to be thinking about something besides being a QueerMo.
Rock on, muthafuckas.
Sometimes we are almost always one person away from being totally and entirely alone.
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